The Ballad of Flynnigan Whitfieldingtonshiresworth

College is a time to try new things. Some people spend that time trying weird courses. Others spend that time experimenting with drugs and sex. Last semester, I tried Dungeons and Dragons. Now, I have a weekly Dungeons and Dragons night where some of my friends and I play a bit of a campaign and talk shit to one another. It’s like a poker night, but for NERRRRRRRRRRRRRDS.

We all have a “first something”, and that “first something” is always terrible yet, despite its numerous faults, it’s surprisingly charming. Whether it’s a car or a sculpture, we all have a “first something”. D&D is no exception. This week’s blog post is about my first D&D character.

Tonight, we’re going to hear the ballad…of Flynnigan Whitfieldingtonshiresworth (*guitar chord*, *rattlesnake noise*, *Jack Black scream*).

I Even Fail at Failing.

Binding of Isaac: Adorably Dark

I'm exhausted. I had a bunch of midterm projects due last week, and frankly, all I want to do is sleep.

But I can't.

"The Binding of Isaac" won't let me.

Sesame Street Once Upon a Monster: Chasing the Clouds Away

Picture the following: you’re a busy, young, college student. Midterms are happening/approached. You’re in charge of two group projects, where a large percentage of the members show up late to meetings and classes or don’t show up at all. They don’t turn in their work on time, and one person in one of the groups plays the Battlefield 3 Beta during class presentations. You are doing a large chunk of the class project. You start thinking “Argh! I’m so stressed out and angry at my teammates, I could just kill them! ”

Then you think, “Why don’t I kill them" 

“Some of them are my friends, sure, but I only took 4 classes this semester specifically to reduce my stress level. Yet they’re just as high as they were last year! Something has to be done. I’ve seen enough episodes of Dexter to know how to kill people efficiently, enough episodes of Psych, Monk, and Castle to hide my trail, and enough episodes of Mad Man to know how to say witty, awesome lines. Holy shit, I could actually pull this off.”

But that plan is tossed into trash bin the moment you start playing Double Fine’s latest game, “Sesame Street: Once Upon a Monster.”

A Few Good Jokes

The Silence of the Lambs: U Mad?

Last year, I took a course in “Story Design and Script Writing”. All the students were required to read through the screenplay for “The Silence of the Lambs” and to watch the film (if we could). I read the screenplay and watched the film. Several times. Something felt off. Rewatching the film and rereading the screenplay did not reveal the secret I was looking for, so I ventured to its Wikipedia page, hoping to find information about the film’s development and reception to understand my feelings. It apparently won numerous Oscars, including the Oscars for Best Picture, Best Screenplay, Best Actor, etc. Why?

I enjoyed the film. (I did!) But what made it so special? What wasn’t I getting? Watching the film one last time before bed, I decided that during this viewing, I would try something interesting: I would attempt to watch the film from Hannibal Lecter’s perspective. And it worked. My mind opened up. I finally understood the brilliance of the film. I accepted the gospel…through my own unique interpretation.

A witty, clever man, down on his luck, must escape to freedom by defeating numerous dimwitted opponents. How didn’t I see it before?

“The Silence of the Lambs” is a comedy, written by Hannibal Lecter himself.

Dragon! Dragon! Rock the Dragon! Dragon Ball Z!

You know what’s fun to do on a Saturday night? Taking a trip down Memory Lane! No, not the bad part of Memory Lane, with bullies punching and cute girls who friendzone you. Not today. I’m taking you to the good part of Memory Lane, with TV shows, video games, and orthodontic headgear. Today, we’re going to one of my favorite spots: Dragon Ball Z

For those of you that didn’t grow up in the 90’s, Dragon Ball Z started off as an anime inspired by the old Journey to the West and ended with muscular monkey men with glowing, golden hair that just keeps growing, destroying solar systems with their fists. Seriously.

Sucker Punch: Girls go to Jupiter to get More Stupider

Last Friday night, I was scrolling through the Amazon Instant Video Rentals, and I came across Sucker Punch.

I said to myself (because it was 1 AM and everyone else in the house was asleep) “I forgot about this film. I was gonna see it, but things came up and I didn’t. Hmm. The trailers look stupid, but my inner 15-year-old pervert is tugging on my arm to let us watch it and Watchmen wasn’t awful, so sure, why not?"

Dear lord. What have you done, Zack Snyder?

Die Hard: Quite the Courageous Feet

I’ve always heard how Die Hard was the greatest action film ever and now that Die Hard recently became available on Netflix Instant Streaming, I could finally see what all the “hoo-hah” is about! So, is, in my opinion, Die Hard the greatest action film EVAR?

Probably!

At the very least, it is definitely one of the best action films ever. And while I’m tempted to analyze the entire film, scene by scene, I haven’t the time or the OCD for it, so I’ll try to focus on what I consider the central theme of the film to be and why it’s unlikely any current action films will top it.

Megaman Legends 3 Cancelled, and The Important Question

As the title says, Megaman Legends 3 has been cancelled. Announced video games getting cancelled happens all the time. (I should know, I'm a Rare fan!)

The issue is not that Megaman Legends 3 was cancelled, but rather the issues are how Capcom frequently hinted, while the game was in development, that Megaman Legends 3 would be cancelled, how poorly Capcom treated their Megaman fans after they officially canned the game, and the question the whole mess has left behind.
 

Wheel of Morality, Turn Turn Turn...

I’m sure morality in video games could work. I’m certain of it; And though I do enjoy my video games telling me I’m a bad, bad man, I don’t really feel any sort of sense of accomplishment. The morality system in current games makes me feel like I’m some sort of moral caricature, either curling my mustache or stroking my harp. Let’s take a look at some of the problems many, if not all, of the moral systems in video games have.

(Warning: There are some Fable III spoilers in the in this blog post, but don’t let it stop you from reading it. Fable III is a horrible game and you should neither spend your time nor money on it.)

Dollhouse: Suicide Run

OK. OK. OK? OK! OK. Holy shit! How the hell did I miss this?

There will be some Dollhouse (and Age of Apocalypse) spoilers moving forward, so, you know, enter at your own peril.

Tron Legacy: Betting on the Future

As I mentioned in my earlier blog post, Tron Legacy: Clu’s Blues, I mentioned that in two weeks I’d do another Tron Legacy blog post. It’s been two weeks, so here it is!

And like last time, please do not read this blog post if you have not seen Tron Legacy, as it spoils a lot of the film and will probably confuse you.

Tron Legacy: Clu’s Blues

 

Before you start reading, I feel I should warn you all that the following blog post has Tron Legacy spoilers, so if you haven’t seen it, I’d love to hear what the hell you’ve been doing instead of seeing this film. Really. It’s like if someone told me “Yeah, I’ve never had a Coca-Cola before”, and then I’d be all like “Wha-? Dude, what do you mean you’ve never had a Coca-Cola before? My dad’s traveled to pretty much everywhere on this planet and no matter where he went, even if the people there didn’t have water, they sure as hell had four varieties of Coca-Cola. ON TAP!”

So, if you’ve continued reading this post, I’m going to assume that:

A)   You have seen the film, which means I really like you.

B)   You have not seen the film, but you have read the plot online, which means I sorta like you.

C)   You know nothing of the film and decided to charge ahead and ignore my advice, which means I don’t like you, but dammit, do I respect you.

Game on, old friend…

Blog Grand Opening!

That’s right, folks. I, Alex Whitfield, finally have a blog. No longer am I contained to expressing myself to 140 characters at a time. Now that I have all this space, I can say exactly what’s on my mind!

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So, check back each Saturday for a new blog post. That’s quality content on a strict schedule. I know; I can’t believe it either.

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Better yet, check back each Sunday. I mean, a new blog post will be written each Saturday, but it might be up really early in the morning, it might be up really late at night, and I don’t want you to stay awake late Saturday night, mashing F5 to see what I wrote. It’s OK. Sure, I am the Bee’s Knees, but goodness knows I’m most certainly not the Cat’s Meow! So have some fun. Maybe go to a party. Or read a book if you really want to be able to tell everyone waiting in line at the midnight opening for the last Harry Potter film “You really should read the book. Film just can’t do the story justice”. (And if you go that route, a little piece of advice: wands cannot really cast spells, but they can really stab you.)

Potential future blog post topics include

• Video Games
• Balloon Animals
• Movies
• Animation
• My lack of a love life
• My lack of a life
• My Dungeons and Dragons character’s lack of a life
• More Video Games
• Etc.

Once again: Each Saturday, I will write something on my blog. So do visit. Please. I’ll learn to write better, and with enough practice, I might just even write good well. Honest!